Thanks Guys

2012. Petawawa, 2 RCHA, E Bty. I’d recently been promoted to master corporal (master bombardier). I’d been on medical category for a few months for mental health, so everyone knew there was something wrong with me.

Anyways, we were all forced to attend this senior ranks mess event. Fancy uniforms and fancy forks. 5-11 PM.

So I had friends in the regiment. I truly believed that for several years. The group of us did quite a lot together and always got along. I know it’s easy to believe that people with my kinds of problems burn bridges when they express their feelings. I did not.

So I show up at the mess. We eat dinner. This whole exercise is quite demanding for me as I did not feel safe. Then it’s socializing time.

Totally ostracized. I can’t come up with a better word. My ‘friends’ wouldn’t even speak to me unless there weren’t other people around.

I tried shuffling into groups, at one point a recently promoted guy stood in front of me and started backing up so I was physically forced out of the group.

I stood in the dark, alone, with groups of people chatting with each other. Not one of them would speak to me. This went on for four hours.

I didn’t process that at the time. I actually couldn’t, there was just too much going on with my mental health. I went back to work on Monday and we all pretended it never happened. Good buds, eating lunch together.

I left the unit a few months later for the base support unit, awaiting my release. Not one member of that regiment even so much as contacted me.

Before I left the military I emailed them, congrats on the promotions (nobody told me), and I want you to have my number in case you want to chat in the future. None of them returned my email, nor called.

I deployed twice and every time I was willing sacrifice my safety for every one of them. I went from top of my game, to being released for PTSD, unable to do my job and not one gunner stopped to help.

Fuck the second regiment royal Canadian horse artillery.

Fuck every last one of them.