-
So in the Canadian armed forces, you don’t want to get caught with mental health problems. I was taught it, I lived it, I experienced it. And it’s true. On returning from my first tour in 2006, I reported for a mental health check up a few months later. I went with my peers, the…
-
I remember getting let go from the military in 2014. I’d had some pretty negative interactions so far with veterans affairs, but I still trusted them to do the right thing. When I got out I continued taking the drugs prescribed to me by a military doctor, specifically for my PTSD. Veterans affairs wouldn’t cover…
-
I have told some stories where I ended up living my values, which was often hard when they clashed with those of my coworkers. The racism part I will always hang my head about. I wish I could have done something. Early in my career, as a new member of the regiment, I started noticing…
-
When I first started writing about my adverse experiences and perception of trauma, I thought I was saying some pretty upsetting things about people, and it would get me in trouble. That’s just the trauma talking though. In fact, nobody cares. Let me be clear on what I mean though. I’m not trying to get…
-
I was a grade two kid when my parents got divorced. I still remember some vivid scenes from that day, like my memory preserved some moments for me to keep for later. Anyways. She told us all that he was an alcoholic. I was too young to say one way or another. I didn’t even…
-
I can definitely remember a few times that I was grabbed from behind while in a group with my comrades. Good natured groping? Does that make me part of the team? Why do so many people laugh when it happens? I guess as a male in a male dominated field I had to put up…
-
There’s a poem attributed to a work known as The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. Omar Khayyam (1048 – 1131) was known as the Astronomer Poet of Persia. The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit.Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a…
-
I totally get that Tool didn’t mean what I make of their song. It’s about evolution or something, quite frankly what I read went over my head. However, this song’s lyrics encapsulate so many of my movements through trauma. Here are the lyrics, with some personal notes. Join in my, join in my childAnd listen,…
-
Both tours to Afghanistan. The first time I deployed with the provincial reconstruction team right in Kandahar city. I was a spare up until the last moment, when I was selected as a driver. Not qualified to drive the vehicle they gave me. I’m not saying I was incapable, but seriously, if I had been…
-
I’ve written a bit about my religious life as a child, and how that experience was born out of childhood trauma. I remember fitting in at church as an adult. I had what I thought were friends. That is to say they relied on me heavily at times, but without reciprocating. I was a bigtime…
-
I’m sure some of you know what that term means. That’s what you call it when someone impersonates a soldier, it’s creepy. They show up at Remembrance Day ceremonies in uniform with medals, and sometimes they get called out. Anyways. I’m in college in 2018. I’ve kept tight lipped about my service in the military…
-
Very little of what I’ve written about constitutes trauma. Betrayal and shattered world views are a different beast altogether. But I want to take a moment to talk about what the flood is like. I first noticed it doing EDMR some months ago. There was this physical stuff going on as my mental state ramped…
-
It’s 2004. I’m in F battery, 2 RCHA, CFB Petawawa. On boxing day, a huge Tsunami devastated large parts of Indonesia. The disaster area response team (DART) deploys from Canada to provide humanitarian aid. DART was a rotating responsibility at the time and during this crisis, 2 RCHA had the duty. So they all deployed…
-
When I was really young… grade five or six. Definitely in that range, I remember this classroom drama around school fees. At the beginning of the year they were due, and a few weeks later the teacher would write the names of the students who owed fees and how much on the top right corner…
-
2012. Petawawa, 2 RCHA, E Bty. I’d recently been promoted to master corporal (master bombardier). I’d been on medical category for a few months for mental health, so everyone knew there was something wrong with me. Anyways, we were all forced to attend this senior ranks mess event. Fancy uniforms and fancy forks. 5-11 PM.…
-
So I’ve been walking with trauma for these last 15 years. I recently ran into a concept known as the Shattered Assumptions Theory. It’s really blown me out of the water in terms of linking my trauma to some of my trauma reactions. So we have assumptions about the world and our place in it.…
-
In 2010 I was on an army course. Leadership. PLQ mod 6. CFB Petawawa. You take turns being the ‘course senior’ for these things. Whatever. My day comes. It’s an inspection of our gear. That’s actually a pretty big one because there’s a lot of pressure on everyone on the course, but especially the guy…
-
So shortly after I started receiving help for my PTSD symptoms, I put my hand up for a different job. Life in the gun battery wasn’t conducive to treatment and wellness for me. Triggers everywhere. I volunteered for a position in the headquarters battery in regimental operations. That was a very difficult job. The learning…
-
It’s 2011. I’ve finally found some help for my PTSD and unfortunately, that means the army puts you on medical category. That means you don’t go to the field for training exercises. They also reduce your pay. So I’m in 2RCHA E battery. There’s a field exercise and I cannot attend. The regiment does this…
-
What happened: I’d been living with my PTSD in full swing for a few years. I want to say it was 2010. Due to some self stigma and negative outlooks I had avoided medication, however at this point I was seeing a doctor and a therapist. My doctor and my therapist both gave strong indications…
-
Subscribe
Subscribed
Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
Broken Molars 