Shattered Assumptions

So I’ve been walking with trauma for these last 15 years. I recently ran into a concept known as the Shattered Assumptions Theory.

It’s really blown me out of the water in terms of linking my trauma to some of my trauma reactions.

So we have assumptions about the world and our place in it. These are: the world is benevolent, the world has meaning, and that we have self worth.

When I first read this I almost flinched. Where did this come from and why hasn’t someone helped me frame my world views like this? How did a guy with PTSD never get introduced to the fact that his worldview had been shattered? Has the entire mental health system in the Canadian armed forces never heard of this?

I guess my distortion of these views are hard to disentangle. Did I think that the world was benevolent going into a war torn country? No I did not. It still made a big impact on me though. My world however was a small and narrow view. I was consumed by the idea that my military service was something that I would be proud of. I was convinced that I could and should trust my colleagues. Neither of those things were true in the most truthful analysis.

As I made my way through my career, deployments and garrison time alike, I look back at betrayal after betrayal. Broken trust, broken laws, broken molars. Now its 15 years later, I see this as another betrayal.

Introducing this concept to a soldier would have incredibly protective effects against trauma. Actually scratch that. I have no idea. The truth is that I am viewing this from a traumatized lense. It makes sense to me because it happened. I don’t know how it would effect a healthy person.

I understand now that I have to build a new presumptive world. Imagine that for a minute. I don’t feel safe when I know I am safe. I have trauma responses to ordinary events that I cannot understand. The world has told me over and over again that I am not worthy of what others are. And if I can’t hold a safe view of the world, how can I thrive?

I’m not sure where to go from here, but I have a better understanding of why I’m still struggling. 15 years though.